Ladies and Gentlemen, members of the press, I would like to thank you for attending today’s press conference. We are here today to announce that the fan favorite and bodybuilding mainstay movement known as the Bench Press has officially retired from the sport of bodybuilding.

In a statement released Friday, BP stated:

“I had a long run, from the greats like Grimek and Pearl, through Schwarzenegger and Coleman. However, in light of emerging research and growing public opinion of my obsolescence, I have decided to officially remove my name from the ranks of the greats such as the squat, deadlift, and military press.”

Here are the reasons that Mr. Press gave for his sudden retirement:

Rotator Cuff Danger

The bench press is notorious for dislodging the shoulder tendon. It has a fixed arc of motion which places a high degree of stress on the shoulder joint at the bottom of the movement when the weight naturally wants to change position – but cannot – due to the use of a barbell.

Torn Pectorals

The vast majority of pectoral tears occur when using the flat bench press. It pulls the pectorals right off the deltoid tendon in many cases. This injury has caused many a professional bodybuilder placing and prize monies at shows.

Limited Range of Motion

Anyone who has been training for more than a few months would agree that flat dumbbell presses allow a bodybuilder to lower the weight down much further than a barbell would allow. Especially for those with “barrel chests”, the bar stops when it touches the body. Using flat dumbbell presses, you can move the weight down a few inches further, which lets you activate normally ignored muscle fibers.

Safety

If you are bench pressing alone and you can no longer move the weight, you are faced with the dubious task of rolling the weight down your body, a task which will result in major bruising and other potential injuries. When using dumbbells for this same movement, you can simply drop them without injuring anything except the occasionally poorly placed cell phone on the floor.

Mr. Bench Press has said that he looks forward to joining some of the all-time greats, including the timeless favorites Sit Up, Upright Rowing, and Barbell Presses Behind Neck. Mr. Press understands that with advancements in the study of human physiology and the collective sharing of information that is the internet, it was only a matter of time until bodybuilders discovered viable alternatives to this popular movement.

He would like to end this press conference by reassuring his fans that you can always visit him at your own risk. In the meantime, you should feel free to get to know his cousins, which deliver just as much benefit for trainers – or more – without the aforementioned risks. These include incline bench and dumbbell presses, dumbbell flyes, dips, and machine presses. He had a long, great career, and he knows that he’ll always remain popular in powerlifting circles and with new trainers. However, as the bodybuilding masses grow wiser and more informed about the dangers of particular movements, it was time to move on. After all, time waits for no man… or movement.

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