Ladies and Gentlemen, members of the press, I would like to thank you for attending today’s press conference. We are here today to announce that the fan favorite and bodybuilding mainstay movement known as the Bench Press has officially retired from the sport of bodybuilding. In a statement released Friday, BP stated: “I had a long run, from the greats like Grimek and Pearl, through Schwarzenegger and Coleman. However, in light of emerging research and growing public opinion of my obsolescence, I have decided to officially remove my name from the ranks of the greats such as the squat, deadlift, and military press.” Here are the reasons that Mr. Press gave for his sudden retirement: Rotator Cuff Danger The bench press is notorious for dislodging the shoulder tendon. It has a fixed arc of motion which places a high degree of ...

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